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Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 15

2007-03-02T21:12:00.000-08:00

Episode 15
Original Air Date: February 28, 2007

After several weeks of auditions, numerous performances, contestants being eliminated, it comes down to one very important question - is Antonella Barba an Internet slut? Anyone who has been unfortunate enough to watch TV the past couple of days has heard about the illicit pictures circulating around the web, some of them fakes, some of them real. Will Antonella address this tonight? Will America be able to stay awake through tonight's episode otherwise?

The Women

Gina Glocksen - Sings "Alone" and does...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 14

2007-03-02T19:35:00.000-08:00

Episode 14
Original Air Date: February 27, 2007

Yes, I know I'm late. It turns out I have a real job in addition to writing for this site. I don't know what my boss' reaction would be if I said, "Sorry I couldn't update our database by the deadline. I have to blog about American Idol. Surely the client will understand."

The Men

Phil Stacey - Sings "I Ain't Missing You". Does...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: Amazing Race All Stars (Season 11), Episode 2

2007-02-25T22:10:00.000-08:00

Episode: Beauty Is Sometimes Skin Deep
Original Air Date: February 25, 2007

What made Drew think he could handle this race again? He's in such poor shape, it's amazing he can cross the street without getting hurt, let alone race around the world. During the last episode, not only was he outrun by a little person, the first thing he did upon exiting the cab in Ecuador was to trip on his own feet and nearly dislocate his shoulder. As this episode opens, we find out he spent the night being treated for altitude sickness. The doctors had to administer oxygen to him four times.

Rob and Amber are the first to leave the Pit Stop this morning and find out they must make their way to Chile. Rob tells us the other teams don't know what they're in for with him and Amber, and says, "I don't even want the other teams to be afraid of us. I want them to be preoccupied with us, so they'll be distracted."

It seems Rob is already pretty preoccupied with himself.

Myrna and Charla don't get too far...Read the rest of this episode recap of The Amazing Race

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 13

2007-02-23T13:27:00.000-08:00

Episode 13
Original Air Date: February 21, 2007

Is it just me, or does Simon's wardrobe choice seem rather limited? Does he even own a shirt with buttons?

Tonight we see the initial results of the biggest, most shameless popularity contest on the planet. The top 12 men performed Tuesday. The women performed Wednesday. Tonight we get to see the results of America's vote, which will most likely have little to do with who is the most talented.

The show opens, of course, with a review of the previous two episodes. This is important, because the last episode ended all of 23 hours ago. We could have forgotten something crucial, like what color long-sleeve sweater-shirt Simon wore.

Next we find out the answer to the question, "What would happen if the Partridge Family and the Brady kids all sang the same song together?" The answer is, it would sound a lot like all 24 top contestants performing "Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Simply Red. Why the producers believe we are interested in these group sing-a-longs is beyond me. Maybe they're just trying...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 12

2007-02-21T21:24:00.000-08:00

This is the second of three nights this week that American Idol is on. The network has decided on the strategy of "we have a really popular show, so let's air it so much that people get sick of it!"

Tonight the women will be singing. One thing that stands out is that nearly all the women are taller than Ryan. I swear, he looks like Tatoo from Fantasy Island next to most of these girls.

Stephanie Edwards
Her voice is...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 8 REUNION SHOW

2007-02-21T19:43:00.000-08:00

Episode: Beauties and Geeks Reunite
Original Air Date: February 21, 2007

Ah, the memories. It seems like it was just last week... Wait, it was just last week! Yet, for some reason, CW expects us to waste an hour of our lives mostly watching old clips from this season of Beauty and the Geek. Probably 80% of the "reunion" show is spent reviewing footage we've already seen. For crying out loud, there were only seven episodes! What, have we all suffered short-term memory loss?

It would be different if most of the show were spent filling us in on what the contestants have been up to the past six months...Read the rest of this episode recap of Beauty and the Geek

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 6

2007-02-18T23:42:00.000-08:00

Arrow is waiting in their loser Tent City squalor waiting to see who returns. Everyone is annoyed by Surya, so Stefani proposes putting him on the line for the next challenge by making him Project Manager.

Surya is still whining about Aaron as he and Nicole return from the Boardroom. He's got a psychotic, wild-eyed expression on his face as proclaims to everyone how upset he is. It's hard to tell, as Tim says, if he "wants to hit someone, or cry." He says he "has to be PM tomorrow". That's fine with Stefani, who gives him a hug. Wow. Let the backstabbing begin.

Trump has everyone meet him at the airport in front of the Trump-Plane. He has to leave on business for the day, and he just can't be bothered to meet with these people at the house. It's important that they all watch him fly away on his jet. He tells the candidates...Read the rest of this episode recap of The Apprentice

Episode Recap: Amazing Race All Stars (Season 11), Episode 1

2007-02-18T20:53:00.000-08:00

Episode: I Told You Less Martinis and More Cardio
Original Air Date: February 18, 2007

It had to happen sooner or later. Welcome to the Obligatory "All Star" Season of The Amazing Race. Every reality show does this sooner or later. Studio and network executives worry because viewers are starting to get burnt out on a particular show. So they look at their "List of Things to Do to Keep People Watching Your Tired Reality Show", and say, "Which of these things haven't we tried yet?":

1 Shocking Twists (i.e. host does not wear necktie some episodes, see The Apprentice)
2 SNAKES!
3 Bring back losers from past seasons and hope that they aren't the reasons viewers are burnt out on your show.

Studio executives could try all of those things, if they apply. Or they could try something completely different like, oh, say, not airing two entire seasons of the show every stinking year! Helloooo!!! Give us a chance to miss the show, for Pete's sake!

But I digess. This season will feature 11 teams from the past...Read the rest of this The Amazing Race episode recap

Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 2

2007-02-15T22:08:00.000-08:00

Episode: Snakes Are Misunderstood ...We Have An Understanding Now
Original Air Date: February 15, 2007

Not to be mean, but has anyone else noticed the serious lack of eye candy in this season's Survivor, especially compared to last season? Cook Islands was swimming in both beef- and cheesecake, what with all those fit young people running around. It was like Survivor 90210. This time around, it looks like they filled the island with dumpy people just to balance it off with last season.

Day 4
The Ravu Tribe is doing its best to survive in Survivor Ghetto. Not only do they lack the "luxuries" of the Moto tribe living uptown, but they don't even have water (actually, they don't have fire to boil the bad water that's available to them). On Day 4 they've taken to licking leaves. Earl says they're getting so dehydrated that they're "delirious".

I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before they start eating each other. Imagine that converstation at Tribal Council:

Jeff: "Uh, I can't help but notice you're missing a member of your tribe."

Castaway #1: "Yeah, we've already held our own 'Tribal Council' and uh, 'voted off' Earl."

Castaway #2: "Yeah, and he was delicious!"

Jeff: "Tell me about that... how does that change the dynamic of your tribe?"

Over on Easy Street, Moto is...Read the rest of this episode recap of Survivor: Fiji

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 10 (The Top 24)

2007-02-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

Episode 10 - The Top 24 Are Chosen
Original Air Date: February 14, 2007

Forty contestants are left, but ony 24 will survive the end of this episode. That means sixteen will be eliminated (that's just in case you're too lazy to do the Math yourself).

The contestants are made to sit in a holding room while they wait to be called one by one to take the elevator ride up to the judge's room. The whole episode will consist of contestants going to that room, sitting down, and hearing the verdict. Of course, the judges could've just eliminated 36 people instead of 20 last night, or they could just tell all sixteen losers at once that they're out. But then FOX wouldn't be able milk another night of advertising revenue out of this show, now would they?

Another thing I don't like about this episode is that the judges feel some psychopathic need to be cute when they tell the winners they get to go on to the next round. For every single winner, the judges use a variation of one of these comments:

"I'm sorry to tell you .... [long pause] ... [takes a swig of whatever alcoholic beverage is contained in the red cup]... [picks something out of teeth] ... [checks breath and pops a Tic Tac in mouth]... that you're going to be seeing a lot more of us."

"We've decided...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 7 FINALE

2007-02-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

Episode: Beauty Queen and Geek King
Original Air Date: February 14, 2007

Nate and the Bride of Satan return from the Elimination Room and join Megan and Scooter upstairs. Cecille is in the mood to celebrate, but can't understand why Nate is so sad. One would think it obvious that Nate is unhappy about having to say goodbye to his girlfriend, Jennylee. But in actuality, it would only be obvious to someone who has a soul.

Nate confides in Scooter that he is also upset about Cecille's catty little comment at the end of Elimination (see the last post). Of course, Nate is far too passive-aggressive (read: "weenie") to actually say anything to Cecille about it. So Scooter decides he'll have a go at it...Read the rest of this Beauty and the Geek episode recap

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 9 (First Hollywood Episode)

2007-02-13T22:05:00.000-08:00

Episode: The Hollywood Round
Original Air Date: February 13, 2007

Hollywood! Swimming pools, movie stars... No wait, that's Beverly Hills. Nevermind.

Don't expect this recap to be a blow-by-blow of every single contestant's performance. The Hollywood episode doesn't really lend itself to that. Here are the highlights:

Solo Rounds

The Women
Jory Steinberg is the first contestant from the first group of six to perform. She tells the judges she wants to be the next American Idol so she can dress like Paula. Lo and behold, she and Paula are both dressed in a grey vest over a white blouse and black pants. I would go into more detail, but after reading my detailed wardrobe descriptions in previous posts, some of my family and friends are beginning to doubt my manliness.

After the first six contestants are finished performing they line up on stage in front of the judges. Simon tells them, "You are all...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 5

2007-02-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

Episode 5
Original Air Date: February 11, 2007

Sometimes I wonder if Trump even watches his own show. During the narration at the beginning of tonight's episode he says, "Last week, Surya went over to Arrow to help them out of their slump. With Surya on board Arrow was finally able to win a challenge!"

Surya - superstar!

The only thing Surya was good for during the last challenge was working the drive-thru at Pollo Loco. Any scholastically challenged teenager with a pierced eyebrow can do that. The truth is...Read the rest of this episode recap of The Apprentice

Episode Recap: Survivor Fiji, Week 1

2007-02-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

Episode: Something Cruel Is About to Happen ... Real Soon
Original Air Date: February 8, 2007

Fiji - remote tropical islands lush with scenery and replete with primitive living conditions. Why haven't they thought of taping Survivor in some place like this before?

They promise us there will be new twists this season, of course. One tribe will live the life of relative luxury in their camp while the other tribe will go without absolutely nothing. There are not one, but two Immunity Idols. And Exile Island is infested with "deadly" sea snakes. What the heck? If that's true, that's insane. Something tells me the snake situation isn't quite how they're portraying it. It would be awfully hard to insure the show if it were that dangerous.

The show begins with all nineteen contestants rowing together in catamarans to the same beach on the same island. Jeff tells us in the narration that "fear of the unknown" caused one contestant to drop out even before it was time to row to the island. Unknown? The show is in its fourteenth season, for crying out loud.

The group makes it to the beach, and afterward the atmosphere is so cordial you'd think there is a convention of Chronically Happy People taking place. It's always interesting to watch the social dynamics on Survivor descend from lovefest to Lord of the Flies. I'm still waiting...Read the rest of this Survivor: Fiji episode recap

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 8

2007-02-07T21:56:00.000-08:00

Episode: "The Rest of the Best"
Original Air Date: February 7, 2007

In a sadistic effort to prolong our agony and postpone the Hollywood portion of the season, American Idol has decided to take previously unseen footage from it's seven-city audition tour and create a "Rest of the Best" episode. It can also be called, "All The Stuff That Wasn't Interesting Enough to Be In the First Seven Episides" episode.

The Contestants

Christa Fazzino, 19. Christa says she dresses according to her mood. I wonder if she feels nauseous today, because that's how looking at her outfit makes me feel. I'm not sure a written description could do her clothes justice, but she comes to the audition wearing a veil over a black pill box hat that looks more like a headband because the top has been taken out, a shoulderless but collared...Read the rest of this American Idol episode recap

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 6

2007-02-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

Episode: Down on the Farm
Original Air Date: February 7, 2007

A realization hits Jennylee as she and Niels returns unscathed from the Elimination Room - they're in a contest to win money! She tells us it occured to her now that there are only three teams left that she and Niels might actually have a chance to win this thing. "I had forgotten all about the money," she tells us.

Nate is happy about Jennylee's return, of course. He managed to make his move last episode, and since then the sparks have been flying. Just ask Scooter. He tells us he knew all along that Jennylee had a crush on Nate, but he never suspected it would get "physical". So he was surprised to find out that it had.

"Physical"? Does this mean this isn't a family show anymore? Niels explains to us what he and Scooter consider to be "physical"...Read the rest of this Beauty and the Geek episode recap

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 7

2007-02-06T20:21:00.000-08:00

Episode 7
Original Air Date: February 6, 2007

San Antonio. If tonight's audition is typical, it will prove that all the losers from here didn't die defending the Alamo.

Simon arrives late again. This time jetlag is to blame. He had to fly all the way in from London, so this is like night time for him. Does this mean he won't have his usual pleasant demeanor?

Brian Kyrish. This Chunky believes himself to be a breakdancer. He demonstrates his talent for us before his audition. He's got moves, with his frame he looks like he's going to hurt himself. Brian tells...Read the rest of this American Idol post

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 6

2007-01-31T21:28:00.000-08:00

Episode 6
Original Air Date: January 31, 2007

Los Angeles - Most people think that "Los Angeles" is Spanish for "The angels", but it actually translates to "the angles". The Mexicans were huge on geometry.

The judges are joined this time by Olivia Newton-John.

The Contestants

Martik Manoukian - Martik's stage name is "Eccentric". He should've chosen "Freakin' Weirdo". He tells us, "I'm an athlete. I will get into acting. I will also get into modeling. I will get into being an author, as well as a singer, songwriter, choreographer, producer, and composer."
His specialty is his panther impersonation. "When I was fourteen and fifteen, I was a kitty cat, but now I'm a full grown panther... The reason I should be the next American Idol is because I am the most exciting entertainer on Earth."
He bursts into the Audition Room and throws his notebook down on the floor. Then he takes his jacket and shirt off and throws them dramatically to the side. After that, he starts pacing back and forth doing his panther impersonation.
Simon finally interrupts, "I'm not being rude, but can we get on with the singing?"
Martik decides to perform one of his...Read the rest of this American Idol recap

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 6

2007-01-31T19:50:00.000-08:00

Episode 5
Original Air Date: January 31, 2007

A review of the stats for TVChicken.com has revealed that atleast one person found this site by typing "Nate and Jennylee" into a search engine. Well, for those of you who are eager to see some hot geek lovin', the embers start to light up...
Read the rest of this Beauty and the Geek post

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 5

2007-01-30T19:33:00.000-08:00

Episode 5
Original Air Date: January 30, 3007

Birmingham - home to Bo, Reuben, and Taylor... and my sister-in-law, but that's not important right now.

The Contestants

Erica Skye, 19 - Another contestant who mistakenly thinks singing Simon's favorite song, "Unchained Melody", will give her a better chance of getting through. That's only true if you can actually sing. Erica caterwals this song so painfully Paula has to leave the table. She won't stop singing even after the judges give her a resounding "no". Randy almost has security escort her out and Simon tells her, "Erica, you just have to shut up."
She directs a brush off gesture over her shoulder to the judges as she finally leaves. Once outside she tells the camera, "I just wish they could have been a little nicer."
Has she ever seen the show before?

Katie Bernard, 19 - She's got such a squeaky speaking voice she sounds more like a cartoon character than a real person...Read the rest of this American Idol post

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 4

2007-01-29T09:22:00.000-08:00

Episode 4
Original Air Date: January 28, 2007

It's night time shortly after Michelle quit and left the mansion in disgrace. Arrow is sitting around the campfire drinking beer and having an animated conversation about Cheese Doodles. Kinetic, on the other hand, is sitting inside the mansion having a serious, quiet discussion about team dynamics. What fun!

Trump Daddy calls both teams simutaneously on the Trump Phone ("Quick Robin, to the Trump Cave!") and says that Arrow needs help and would like for someone from Kinetic to volunteer to join them. Since Arrow has two losses under it's belt, this is sort of like asking players from teams who have repeatedly won penant titles to volunteer to join the Chicago Cubs. Still, four members from Kinetic step up. Arrow chooses Surya. Who knows, maybe Arrow will turn it around this time.

Surya packs up his gear and moves out to the backyard with the rest of his new team, who makes a concerted effort to make him feel welcome. The first thing he does is to give a very detailed lecture on what he and the rest of Kinetic have learned about what it takes to succeed. Surely, he must know everything there is to know about success. After all, he was on a team that won two whole challenges. He should write a book or something...Read the rest of this post on The Apprentice

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 4

2007-01-25T21:22:00.001-08:00

Episode 4 - New York
Original Air Date: January 24, 2007

New York City - A sleepy little backwater community somewhere on the American East Coast.

In this episode the judges are joined by Carol Bayer Sager, "legendary" singer/songwriter. Her songs include: "Groovy Kind of Love", "That's What Friends Are For".

The Contestants

Ian Benardo. Ian has tried out for So You Think You Can Dance, and flopped terribly. But his spirit hasn't been deflated. He describes himself to the judges as a singer, dancer, and superstar. When Simon says he's not a superstar yet, Ian insists he is, and if Simon doesn't believe him, he can just ask Ian's 'friends, parents, and therapists' (he has two). He non-sings "Gloria" for the judges in a thick, New York accent. When Simon tells him he's no good, he insists on seeing Simon's work visa. He has to be escorted out by security...Read the rest of this American Idol post

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 4

2007-01-25T09:53:00.000-08:00

Episode: Beauties and the Beach
Original Air Date: January 24, 2007

Nate and Cecille rejoins the rest of the group upstairs after surviving last episode's elimination. Jennylee is thrilled that Nate, the object of her affection, will be staying in the house for a little while longer. Nate, because he is a decent person, has no hard feelings about being sent to the elimination room. However, Her Skankiness Queen Cecille is in a tiff at the thought that she, of all people, should be sent. It's clear to Niels and Jennylee that there may be payback.

The next morning, Host Mike Richards informs the crew that they will be going on a vacation, because they deserve the rest. It must pretty hard living in that huge mansion, sunbathing by the pool, and hanging out in the hot tub. One can see why they would need a break from all that. And what exciting and exotic location will the geeks and beauties be traveling to? Tell them, Mike! San Diego! That's right, an all-expense paid trip to the far off land of San Diego! Bus fare included!

Oh, come on! Even the Brady Bunch had more interesting vacations than that...Read the full post

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 3

2007-01-25T09:49:00.000-08:00

Editors note - We've had some technical problems here at TVChicken.com which prevented us from getting these posts out on yesterday and the day before. Episode 4, the New York episode should be up this afternoon sometime.

Episode 3
Original Air Date: January 23, 2007

Memphis. The home of Elvis, and... well, Heck, that's all any town needs, isn't it?

The Contestants

Frank "Frank 'n' Beans" Byers, SAU cheerleader. I've always wondered how male cheerleaders avoid getting beaten up. He sings "Heard It Through the Grapvine" and does a great job. But the judges hate it. Simon calls his performance "corny"and "cabaret". Paula says it's "over the top." None of them say he can't sing. Evidently they haven't had their coffee yet. Frank's rejected, but do you think that gets him down? He's a cheerleader, dang it! He leaves the room and cheers with his squad, who are waiting for him in the hallway. Not caring for the noise, Simon leans his head out the door and says, "I'm not being rude, but could you shut up?"

I don't know, but if you have to preface everything you say with "I'm not being rude", maybe you are being rude. Appropriately, Ryan cusses Simon out...Read the rest of this post.

Episode Recap: The Apprentice - LA, Episode 3

2007-01-21T21:10:00.000-08:00

Episode 3
Original Air Date: January 21, 2007

Nicole and Michelle return to Tent City to re-join the other pathetic losers in Arrow, having just survived last week's elimination. There's all kinds of love for Nicole as everyone hugs her and welcomes her back. Michelle - not so much. Poor Michelle don't get no lovin' from this crew. They still can't quite articulate what their problem is with her. "Negative", "destructive", and "non-contstructive" are words that get thrown around, but it all ends up sounding like "We just can't stand the cow." Maybe these whiners need to spend less time worrying about Michelle and more time figuring out why they keep losing.

Frank tells us the rest of the team has a nickname for Michelle. "Johnny", as in Johnny-Come-Lately. It's because she's such a nay-sayer! Get it? Neither do I...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 3

2007-01-18T08:09:00.000-08:00

Episode 3
Original Air Date: January 17, 2007

The Great Blonde-Brunette Schism gets worse as Matt and Andrea return from the elimination room to face the other remaining beauties and geeks. Andrea, the only surviving Brunette, does not want to face the Airhead Brigade. The blondes are not crazy about seeing her either. Everyone, including the blondes, congratulate Matt. But no one says anything to Andrea. She remarks how she misses Sheree. House hoochie Cecille says that she's glad that Sheree is gone.

This season is not turning out like the first two, which didn't have this ugliness. Sure, there was conflict, but no malice. I think it has to do with the quality of women they've chosen this time around. It would be hard to find a skankier bunch without cruising the red light district...Read the rest of this Beauty and the Geek post

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 2

2007-01-17T20:26:00.000-08:00

Episode 2
Original Air Date: January 17, 2007

Seattle. Another two hour special. And I still have to watch and recap Beauty and the Geek tonight. It's times like this when I doubt the wisdom in starting this site.

The Contestants

Brendan Grover. He comes dressed as Uncle Sam. Maybe he thought he was trying out for Let's Make a Deal. He tried out last season in his police uniform and sang "I Shot the Sheriff". Since Brendan likes coming in costume, Randy concludes, "He's undercover."
Brendan's song is "God Bless America". But singing it that poorly has got to be unpatriotic...read the rest of this American Idol post

Episode Recap: American Idol - Season 6, Episode 1

2007-01-16T20:07:00.000-08:00

Episode 1
Original Air Date: January 16, 2007

Two-day, four-hour extravaganza! Does that mean we'll get the audition episodes out of the way sooner, so can we can get to the final "good" episodes - or will the audition portion of the season be even more bloated. Count on the bloating.

Minneapolis, hometown of Prince. Apparently that is all this city has going for it.

The Contestants:

Jessica, make-up artist, idolizes Jewel. What she doesn't know until right before her audition when Ryan tells her is that Jewel is a guest judge today...Read the rest of this American Idol post

Episode Recap: the Apprentice - LA, Episode 2

2007-01-14T21:14:00.000-08:00

Episode 2
Date: January 14, 2007

Frank returns to his comrades in Trump Tent City, having avoided elimination by wearing down The Donald with his hyperactive enthusiasm. He excitedly recounts his heroic victory in the boardroom to his teammates, talking like a spastic first-grader who's been eating way too much sugar. This guy would tire out the Energizer Bunny. Don't worry, though, he has a plan to get his team back into the house. His team mates, who by now are completely under the spell of his charisma, huddle around him to hear his scheme.

It's morning and time for the teams to be given their next challenge. Trump rounds up the two yuppie herds and gathers them near the beach. Once again, Trump isn't wearing a tie, just so...Read the rest

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 2

2007-01-10T22:26:00.000-08:00

Episode 2
Original Air Date: January 10, 2007

This episode begins just after the elimination from the last episode. Scooter, evidently in the mood for something completely wild and outrageous, decides to play Chess with Pi. That might seem like it would be enough excitement for one night, but after the game is over Scooter wanders upstairs where he eventually finds himself in one of the bedrooms with hoochies Megan and Cecille. What happens next leaves Cecille nearly injured and Scooter in the fetal position...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: The Apprentice - LA, Episode 1

2007-01-07T23:41:00.000-08:00

Episode: To Have and To Have Not
Original Air Date: January 7, 2007

Money money money money, monAY!

At least the cool theme song hasn't changed this season on The Apprentice. The location has changed, and so, it seems, has The Donald's demeanor (He's a new daddy - again). The premiere episode this season begins with Sir Comb-over riding in a limo through New York, pretending to be talking over the phone to his child bride, Melania, who has already moved to LA. He tells her he'll be out there soon and that he misses her, to which she responds, "I miss you too, you aging bag of hot gas!"

...or something to that effect.

And then, a sound which we are supposed to believe comes from Trump the Baby can be heard over the phone, to which Trump responds, "I miss you too, Baron."

Baron? I think I knew a great dane once named Baron. As rich as Trump is, you'd think he could afford a decent name for his kid.

In the next scene, Trump is driving around LA...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: Beauty and the Geek - Season 3, Episode 1

2007-01-04T01:54:00.000-08:00

Episode 1
Original Air Date: January 3, 2007

Beauty and the Geek - now with 20% more geek!

The geeks do seem even geekier this season, almost as if the casting people spent all of their time attending Star Wars conventions and Dungeons and Dragons tournaments. This herd of geeks includes both a Trekker (not Trekkie, thank you very much!) who comes with his own uniform, and a guy who leads a Star Wars themed band. I wonder if we'll see a slap fight break out between the two?

The first geek we meet is Piao, who has only kissed one girl. That just might make him the most experience guy in the group. He tells us...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: Survivor Cook Islands - Week 15 FINALE ... and the Reunion Show

2006-12-17T23:27:00.000-08:00

Episode: This Tribe Will Self-Destruct in 5, 4, 3, ...
Original Air Date: December 17, 2006

We're down to the final five, and this contest is truly up in the air. Yul is definitely the smartest castaway, but will that be enough to put him in the final two? If he gets to the final two, will he find out that his skillful manipulation of the game has earned him enemies in the Jury? What about Ozzy? The fact that he's half-monkey, half-dolphin makes him the biggest threat, but will he be able to win every single immunity challenge that's left in the game? That's probably what...Read the rest of the post

Episode Recap: Survivor Cook Islands - Week 14

2006-12-14T22:21:00.000-08:00

Episode: I Have the Advantage ...for Once
Original Air Date: December 14, 2006

It's Day 34 and Adam and Parvati know the chances of both of them surviving the next Tribal Council are pretty slim, as in Nicole Richie slim. Despite having turned on Jonathan the night before, the other four castaways are still in their alliance and seem very tight. Adam and Parvati talk things over and conclude they must come up with a plan soon - and win the next Rewards Challenge so they can decide whom is sent to Exile Island.

Rewards Challenge - The rewards challenge this week is simple. The castaways are to roll around in a pool of mud until they're completely covered (Yes, I realize that's entertaining enough, but there's more)...Read the rest

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 13 FINALE

2006-12-10T22:04:00.000-08:00

Episode: Say Your Deepest Prayers Ever
Original Air Date: December 10, 2006

It's the final leg of the race and Bickering Couple Rob and Kimberly are the first to leave the Pit Stop. They are told to find a church in Barcelona that has been under construction for 124 years (Haven't we all dealt with contractors like that?). Their next clue will be found in the park that is behind the church (Sagrada Familia). The Alabama Single Moms and the Pretty Boys leave shortly thereafter. Rob and Kimberly find the clue first and find out that they are to fly to Paris and go to the Eiffel Tower. The Alabama Single Moms leave before the Pretty Boys, but because they have only two speeds ("slow" and "slower"), the Pretty Boys beat them...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: Survivor, Cook Islands - Week 13

2006-12-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

Episode: Arranging a Hit
Original Air Date: December 7, 2006

It's Day 31 and Parvati is still incensed at Jonathan. She would like to take his head off, so she decides to practice on some coconuts with a machete. Unfortunately, she misses the coconut at one point and splits her thumb open instead. The Survivor medical team are called on to the scene and deliver the bad news - though she will only need a stitch to keep the thumb together, they'll have to amputate the nail.

"No!" she screams, "not the nail! Oh God, why me?! If I can't keep the nail, just let me die!"

...Ok, maybe that's not exactly what she said. The medics remove her nail and...Read the rest

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 12

2006-12-03T20:16:00.000-08:00

Episode: Dude, I'm Such a Hot Giant Chick Right Now
Original Air Date: December 3, 2006

This episode begins with the teams directed to drive down a treacherous mountain road towards Casablanca, where they'll find their next clue. First the Pretty Boys leave, followed by the Single Moms, then the Bickering Couple, and finally the Doublemint Twins, who must finish this leg at least a half-hour before the last team if they are to avoid elimination.

Rob and Kimberly are already off to a great start. Kimberly is riding in the back of their SUV, observing the mountain scenery. She tells Rob, "I don't like that there's so many dogs around here."

"Those are goats, Babe."

I don't know what it takes to get into the final four...Read the rest

Episode Recap: Survivor Cook Islands - Week 12

2006-12-01T10:39:00.000-08:00

Episode: You're a Rat
Original Air Date: November 30, 2006

If there is such a thing as overplaying this game, Jonathan seems to have done it. It's just after Tribal Council, where half the tribe discovered that Jonathan had betrayed them and flipped sides yet again. Parvati is not a happy camper. "I'm literally sick," she says, "I just want to take Jonathan's face and puke all over it."

In the midst of the argument, Jonathan blurts out that Yul has the Immunity Idol, so he had to switch sides.

"I hope you're happy with second place," Parvati says, "because you've played yourself out tonight."

She may be right...Read the rest

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 8 FINALE

2006-11-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

Episode 8
Original Air Date: November 27, 2006

It's down to the last two bachelorettes. Will Lorenzo choose the sweet, bubbly, naive young blonde, or will he choose the sweet, bubbly, naive young blonde? Even as this episode begins, Lorenzo claims he's still having trouble deciding between Jen and Sadie. No wonder, they're exactly the same!

His Highness feels he needs backup, so he's called in his parents to help him make his decision. Much ado is made in the narration of "Prince and Princess Borghese" coming "back" to Rome to help their son. Nevermind the fact that "Princess" Amanda sounds like she could be from Connecticut...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 11

2006-11-26T21:23:00.000-08:00

Episode: We Just Won't Die, Like Roaches
Original Air Date: November 26, 2006

The race is now down to four teams, none of them the least bit likable - Bickering Couple Rob and Kimberly, Pretty Boys Tyler and James, Alabama Single Moms Lyn and Karlyn, and the Doublemint Twins Dustin and Kandice. It's hard to root for any of them, due to a serious deficit in redeemable qualities. Picking a favorite team out of this herd would amount to rooting for the least of four evils. Time may be better spent trying to decide whom to hate the most. My choice - the Doublemint Twins, aka the Evil Barbies.

This week the teams have to fly from Kiev to a certain town in Morocco. The Pretty Boys are the first to leave, followed closely by the Doublemint Twins, who are all smiles as usual. It's bad enough that these two are so evil. Do they have to be happy, too? The Doublemint Twins manage to get...Read the rest

Episode Recap: Survivor Cook Islands - Week 11

2006-11-24T13:30:00.000-08:00

Episode: Why Would You Trust Me?
Original Air Date: November 23, 2006

It's Day 25 and Jonathan, having barely survived two Tribal Councils, decides it would be a good idea to start bossing around the rest of Aitu. He's a little perturbed at the kiddies this morning for not having a pot of boiling water ready by the time he was back with his daily haul of fish. He tells us, "It's time for them to see that my way is best."

I think I've figured out Jonathan's brilliant strategy:
1) Ally yourself with someone(Candice) who can barely stand you and isn't the least bit loyal to you.
2) Alienate four people by jumping ship and joining the other tribe.
3) Insist on leading every challenge, then lose every challenge.
4) After barely escaping elimination in two Tribal Councils, assume that you are safe and start annoying the poop out of your tribe mates by bossing them around.
5) Catch a lot of fish.

Brilliant!

Over at Raro, Yul is...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 7

2006-11-20T21:44:00.000-08:00

Episode 7
Original Air Date: November 20, 2006

It's that time once again for the "The Women Speak!" episode. You may know it by it's rejected title, "An Excuse to Squeeze Another Episode Out of the Bachelor!". This season's reunion episode pretty much contains the same snarky cat-fighting as the other seasons, so I will spare you the blow-by-blow commentary...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 10

2006-11-19T21:01:00.000-08:00

Episode: Lookin' Like a Blue-Haired Lady on a Sunday Drive
Original Air Date: November 19, 2006

As we left the racers last time, Pretty Boys Tyler and James had just repelled down the side of the Olympic Stadium in Helsinki, thinking they were about to win another leg of the race. Once they reach the bottom they receive their clue only to find out they are just half-way through this leg of the race.

I think the clue said something like "Psych! Ha ha, you losers!"

Or maybe it was more like, "Keep racing!"

Six of one, half-dozen of another.

The clue also tells the racers...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Cook Islands - Week 10

2006-11-16T22:46:00.000-08:00

Episode: People That You Like Want to See You Suffer
Original Air Date: November 16, 2006

It's Day 22, and nervous Jonathan is still sweating like Anna Nicole Smith at a spelling bee. He knows he barely avoided being voted off at last Tribal Council, thanks to Brad, who had already ticked off the rest of his tribe before Jonathan arrived. So now we find him still working his dough boy posterior off - climbing trees for coconuts, diving for fish, gathering clams, all in a desperate attempt to make his new tribe think he's valuable. He tells us he realizes he made a mistake when he jumped over to Raro with Candice. He calls himself "a wandering Jew without a tribe".

Meanwhile, Adam and Candice are making up for lost time by closely examining each other's tongues. Candice tells Adam...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 6

2006-11-13T22:44:00.000-08:00

Episode 6
Original Air Date: November 13, 2006

The field has been narrowed to only three bachelorettes this week, and... oh, who gives a crap, anyway?

Sorry, I'm still mourning for Agnese. This whole thing seems so pointless without her. Sigh.

Anyway, not that it matters, but Lorenzo's first date this episode is with Jen, or as I like to call her, Not Agnese. As you may recall, Jen is a young teacher who lives in Pembroke Pines, Florida, with her Mom and Psycho-Daddy ("Wanna see muh guns?"). Each of the dates Lorenzo will have with the women this round will take place in an exotic location, and Jen's date this episode takes place in Sweden. So to really experience Sweden's unique culture, Lorenzo decides to take Jen to a place the Swedes refer to as an "amusement park". This place has concession stands, booths where you can win stuffed animals, and something called a "roller coaster". It looks like a lot of fun! They ought to build one of those amusement park thingies over here in America!

Because this is The Bachelor, it is extremely important that Lorenzo and Jen locate an alcoholic beverage...Read the rest of the post

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 9

2006-11-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

Episode: Being Polite Sucks Sometimes
Original Air Date: November 12, 2006

Tonight was the first episode without Kentucky couple David and Mary, so this season is bound to be less entertaining from this point. What's more, three of the five teams left are all jerks. Spending a day with the Doublemint Twins Dustin and Kandice, Bickering Dating Couple Rob and Kimberly, or the Pretty Boys James and Tyler would probably be only slightly more fun than, say, dinnertime with the convicts at the local supermax prison. Of the two likable teams that are left, Single Moms Lyn and Karlyn have a chance of winning this race, as long as a bus hits all four of the other teams. Even then, it's iffy. That leaves...Read the rest of this post

Episode Recap: Survivor, Cook Islands - Week 9

2006-11-09T23:11:00.000-08:00

Episode: Mutiny
Original Air Date: November 9, 2006

The trouble with five-member Survivor alliances is that you usually end up with one airhead. In this case, it is Candice who has the wind rushing around inside her cranium. At the beginning of Day 19, Jonathan gathers the other four members of his Aitu alliance (Yul, Becky, Sundra, and Candice) and tries to come to an agreement on strategy. Candice confides to us that she doesn't want the alliance to survive the merge because she wants to get back into an alliance with Adam and Parvati. Of course, why would she want to stay in an alliance that has kept her in the game this long? Sure, keeping the alliance together would guarantee that she gets into the final five, but why would she want that? Why, that might actually help her win the game!

Amazingly, Jonathan starts to talk privately with Candice...Read the full post

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 8

2006-11-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

Episode: He Can't Swim But He Can Eat Cow Lips!
Original Air Date: November 5, 2006

It's 3am in Mauritius and the Doublemint Twins, Dustin and Kandice, are the first to leave the Pit Stop since they won the last leg of the race. Their next task is to drive to the airport and catch a flight to Madagascar. But wait! The girls' car looks all ugly now since they wrecked it the day before. No problem! They decide just to take one of the other teams' cars. An actual human being would feel guilt at this point, but not the Doublemint Twins.

"That's what you get for showing up at the Pit Stop last!" one of them giggles.

Apparently, their cosmetic surgeons drained them of their humanity to make room for the silicon, collagen, and Botox.

Rob and Kimberly and the Pretty Boys...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Survivor, Cook Islands - Week 8

2006-11-03T09:29:00.000-08:00

Episode: Why Aren't You Swimming?
Original Air Date: November 2, 2006

It's Day 16 and Nate, who has been "kidnapped" from the Raro tribe, is sitting around the campfire with Aitu. The Aitu members try to pump Nate for information, but he's the one who winds up getting an earfull when the topic of Cao Boi's elimination is raised.

Flicka (Jessica) says, "'Kay, so like, I was totally bummed because, like, I totally thought we were voting, like another way. And like, I totally voted for Jonathan and stuff. And like, then you guys voted for Cao Boi, so like, I'm like, 'No way!', 'cause you guys totally didn't tell me. And like I just want to be like, on the same page and stuff."

Yul is not happy this discussion...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 5

2006-10-30T23:28:00.000-08:00

Episode 5
Original Air Date: October 30, 2006

There comes a time in every relationship where a man is brought home to "meet the parents", the people who might be his future in-laws. For Prince Lorenzo, that time is now. He too must meet the parents, all eight of them. In this episode, he joins the four remaining girls individually on "home town dates".

First up is cute little virgin Sadie, who hails from San Diego. The entire meeting with Sadie's family can best be described with one word, "sweet". We're talking Willy Wonka's chocolate factory kind of sweet. As soon as everybody sits down in the living room, Sadie's mom asks her to tell her "everything". "I've missed you so much!" she says.

"I've missed you, too, Mama!"

Aw....

During a private moment with her mother...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 7

2006-10-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

Episode: I Wonder If This Is Going to Make My Fingers Pickle
Original Air Date: October 29, 2006

"Booketing" - our word of the day. Kentucky Couple David and Mary, due to either dumb luck or maneuvering by the producers, are in first place at the beginning of this leg of the race. Their first assignment is to fly to the Mauritius, an island nation off the coast of Africa that apparently none of the teams can pronounce correctly. Once at the airport, David says authoritatively, "We need to find Booketing."

Not wanting to pass up an opportunity to ridicule these two, yet at the same time not wanting to look stupid myself, I looked up the word "booketing" on Dictionary.com. There were no results. Then I Googled it. Besides asking me helpfully, "Did you mean booking?", Google displayed only three results - two in Romanian and one in Russian. Then I remembered my trusty copy of Merriem-Webster Hillbilly to English Pocket Dictionary. It had this entry:

"book‧et‧ing [bk' et ing] - n. that there place in one of them there airports what you buy your tickets at"

Now you know.

David and Mary booket a flight...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Survivor - Cook Islands, Week 7

2006-10-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

Episode: A Closer Look
Original Air Date: October 26, 2006

After 6 whole episodes of Survivor, do you feel like you need a review of the season so far? Do you miss Billy, Sekou, and the other castaways that have been voted off the island? Do you wish you could watch more dramatic footage of the tribes trying to make fire from bamboo?

Me neither.

But CBS is giving it to us anyway tonight with "a closer look". Tonight we "revisit the first 18 days". Ah yes, the first 18 days, it seems like it wasn't very long ago when I saw the first episode... Oh, wait, it wasn't very long ago. However, we are promised "never before seen footage". So basically, this is a clip show of all the stuff that wasn't good enough to make it on the air the first time.

Instead of doing a blow-by-blow recap this week, I'll just provide a bullet-point list...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 4

2006-10-23T22:16:00.000-07:00

Episode 4
Original Air Date: October 23, 2006

Prince Lorenzo's stable is down to six phillies and it's time for him to cull the herd a little more. After tonight's episode, the girls that remain will have the ~~pressure~~ privelege of introducing His Dimpledness to their parents. So choose wisely, Your Worship, choose wisely.

Host Chris Harrison tells the girls that this week two of the girls will be going one-on-one with Lorenzo while the rest apply the full-court press on a group date. How will those two fortunate girls who get some special alone time with His Princeliness be chosen? All of the girls must answer two questions. Their answers will be judged and the winners will receive the one-on-one dates. The two questions are:
Who is the least deserving to be a princess?
Who is the least sincere?

These questions are especially difficult because, as we all know, women on The Bachelor just hate to bad-mouth each other. Of course, the person chosen...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 6

2006-10-22T21:34:00.000-07:00

Episode: Maybe Steven Segal Will See Me and Want Me to Be In One of His Movies
Original Air Date: October 22, 2006

Our episode this week begins with the teams receiving their instructions from Phil via video on cell phones that are left for them in their instruction envelopes. Phil tells them they are to find a travel agency, book a flight to Kuwait City, Kuwait and locate Kuwait Towers (the Kuwaitis are not big on thinking up new names for things). But Phil doesn't tell them the name of Kuwait Towers, but only shows them a picture of what the towers look like.

Phil then ends the message with, "This cell phone will self-destruct in 10 seconds."

No wait, wrong show.

Peter and Sarah, who were in first place on the last...Read the rest of this recap

Episode Recap: Survivor - Cook Islands, Week 6

2006-10-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

Episode: Plan Voodoo
Original Air Date: October 19, 2006

Last week, Raro tribe was down to five women and three men. The women had decided to take advantage of this opportunity by banding together and forming an alliance. Yet, when the time came to scheme about who should be voted off, it was between two women. Way to close ranks, sisters.

Raro, Night 14 - Christina, self-appointed master chef, confronts her tribe mates about comments they made during Tribal Council. It seems no one bothered to inform her that they had considered her bossy. Adam counters that he did tell her she was being annoying. Later, Christine tearfully tells us that, as a policewoman, she's survived being shot and she'll survive this. Well, being shot is certainly similar to being told you're bossy - to a crazy person. There must be something about Survivor that just makes the contestants lose their minds. I'm still waiting for the cannibalism to erupt.

Aitu, Day 15 - Super Outdoors Man, aka Ozzy, is out spearing fish ... Read the rest of this recap.

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 2

2006-10-16T21:59:00.000-07:00

Episode 3
Original Air Date: October 16, 2006

As the episode begins, the girls are told that this week there will be a group date with Lorenzo, a two-on-one date, and a one-on-one date. In other words, a typical week for most of us guys. Who will be that special girl who gets to go on the one-on-one date? There is only one fair way to decide this - an opera singing contest.

A prominent opera teacher is brought in to teach the girls how to sing. What follows is one of the most painful things ever seen or heard on TV. None of these girls can carry a tune to save their lives. Fortunately for them, they are judged on how hard they try as opposed to actual vocal ability. The opera teacher chooses Jami as the winner.

This doesn't sit too well with Poor Little Rich Girl Erica. "I still don't think Erica and Lorenzo are compatible," she blubbers, "There's no way she's getting a rose tonight."

As Lorenzo and Jami drive off to the opera, Erica is the only one who doesn't wave. One would think that all that princess training Erica has supposedly received would include instruction on how to show some class.

Incidentally, for tonight Lorenzo gives Jami...Read the rest

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 5

2006-10-15T23:17:00.000-07:00

Episode: I Covered His Mouth, Oh My Gosh!
Original Air Date: October 15, 2006

In this week's episode, the teams must catch a train from Hai Fong to Hanoi where they will try to catch a flight to Chennai, India. Oddly enough, it is illegal in Vietnam to buy airline tickets at a ticket counter in an airport, so the teams must find a travel agency before they can purchase their tickets. At least they'll be able to bring their toothpaste on the plane.

As each of the teams leave the pit stop by taxi, we are treated to more deeply moving, heart-warming, painfully candid confessionals - or, as I like to call them, "filler".

Rob and Kimberly (1st to leave) - Rob tells us that the Amazing Race is a metaphor for two people having a life together, and that he and Kimberly just need to "chill out". In this metaphor, what part of marriage does Phil Koegan symbolize?

Peter and Bionic Sarah - Sarah tells us her feelings for Peter...Read the rest of this recap here (TVChicken.com/amazing_race).

Episode Recap: Survior Cook Islands, Week 5

2006-10-12T22:22:00.000-07:00

Episode: Don't Cry Over Spilled Octopus
Original Air Date: October 12, 2006

Raro - Day 12, morning after Tribal Council. The tables have turned on the manly men of the Raro tribe. After losing their alpha male JP to a female alliance, they no longer feel they have the freedom to sit around revelling in their own testosterone. Instead, the three remaining boys spend the morning scrambling around spearing small animals and gathering a humongous pile of wood in an effort to prove to the women how much they need the men.

They still don't get it. You could go around killing every defenseless little critter on the island. You could start fire by rubbing your own chest hairs together. You could build a bamboo mansion for your tribe, complete with jacuzzi and wet bar, and no one in the tribe would care. Sure, they might act incredibly grateful after you've done the work. But when it comes to Tribal Council, it's all about who you've ticked off or who feels threatened by you. It doesn't matter that you've single-handedly saved your tribe from the brink of starvation with your secret earthworm souffle recipe which you've been saving just for this occasion, if you're on the wrong side...Read the rest of this Survivor recap here (TVChicken.com/Survivor).

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 2

2006-10-09T22:38:00.000-07:00

Episode 2
Original Air Date: October 9, 2006

It's the first day after the party and host Chris Harrison gathers the herd outside the mansion. He informs them that two group dates will take place in the next couple of days, followed by a rose ceremony. Whoever doesn't receive a rose at that ceremony, he tells them, will be going home. All the girls ooh and ahh like they've never seen the show before.

Chris also informs the girls that since tree-hugger Lisa received the special rose during the party, she will get to go on the first one-on-one date with Lorenzo. Poor little rich girl Erica lets us know she is "really annoyed" that Lisa won that privilege. "All she had to do to get it is run around and hug some trees."

Maybe Erica ought to remind Lorenzo how she had to fly coach all the way to Rome. Incidentally, Erica wore an actual tiara to the overnight party, and today she's still wearing it. I wonder if she...Read the rest of this recap here (TVChicken.com/bachelor).

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 4

2006-10-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

Episode: I Know Phil, Little Ol' Gorgeous Thing!
Original Air Date: October 8, 2006

At the beginning of this episode, we find out that Rob (of the Bickering Couple) had collapsed of heat exhaustion at the end of the last challenge and had received medical attention. He was then "deemed fit enough to continue". He must have strained himself with all that yelling at Kimberly.

The teams' first assignment is to run to a table where the old Master from the Kung Fu TV show is waiting (or maybe the man just looks like the old Master) to give them their "Dong". That's not nearly as gross as it sounds - the Dong is the Vietnamese currency. The teams are then to proceed by taxi back to Hanoi for their first challenge.

The Brainiacs, Erwin and Godwin, are the first to leave since they were the first to arrive at the Pit Stop at the end of the last challenge. Erwin tells us how as Asian Americans, he and Godwin have a big responsibility on this race to show all sides of Asian Americans. And really, what better way is there to represent one's race to the world than going on a realty show? It's not as if anyone is ever cast in an unflattering light on one of these... Read the rest of this recap here.

Episode Recap - Survivor: Cook Islands, Week 4

2006-10-05T22:01:00.000-07:00

Episode: Ruling the Roost
Original Air Date: October 5, 2006

Poor little Ozzy. As the episode begins, the Aitu tribal members are coming back from Tribal Council, having just voted off Cecilia, Ozzy's teammate from the former Latino tribe. Ozzy's not too happy about it either. "I feel like I'm on the outside," he confesses to the camera, "To lose to the only former member of my tribe, the person who helped me lay the foundations of everything these people are going to enjoy, makes me feel like crap. If they want to vote me out, they should do it soon so I don't have to keep catching food for them. I just don't feel like playing along anymore."

Aww.

It's kind of hard to feel sorry for this guy after he convinced his old team to throw a challenge just so they could vote off Billy. (Yes, I know it was a couple of episodes ago, but I'm still bitter.)

Ozzy's words here reveal a misunderstanding about the nature of the game. Specifically he whines about the fact that he and Cecilia "laid the foundations of everything these's people are going to enjoy". Look, demonstrating your superior outdoorsman skills gets you absolutely nowhere in Survivor. When it comes to Tribal Council, no one cares if you killed a herd of wild boar with your bare hands, then field dressed them, cooked them, and served pork chops for dinner to your entire tribe that day. No one cares that you alone erected the two-story, eight bedroom shelter out of twigs and dolphin snot. All that stuff... Read the rest of this recap here. (TVChicken.com/Survivor)

Episode Recap: The Bachelor - Rome, Week 1

2006-10-02T21:48:00.000-07:00

Episode 1
Original Air Date: October 2, 2006

Lorenzo Borghese, cosmetic heir, founder of several profitable corporations, and real-life prince. It may seem like this season's bachelor would have no problems, but that's not the case as Prince Lorenzo explains to the camera during the first segment, "I never ever introduce myself as Prince Lorenzo Borghese. I'm always Lorenzo. The only time that people find out that I'm a prince is when my friends are around and they're trying to pick up girls. They'll introduce me... 'Do you know who that is? That's Prince Lorenzo Borghese.' And then I know my night is ruined."

As he says this, I'm sure male viewers everywhere are thinking, "There but for the Grace of God, go I."

Why is it that no one ever featured on the Bachelor seems like they'd have trouble getting a date in real life? Are the rest of us... Read the rest of the post here

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 3

2006-10-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

Episode: Oh, Wow! It's Like One of Those Things You See on TV!
Original Air Date: October 1, 2006

At the beginning of this week's episode, the teams are told to fly from Mongolia to Hanoi, Vietnam. Once in Hanoi, they are to make their way by taxi to the site of the "Hanoi Hilton", a famous prison where American POWs were held and tortured during the Vietnam War. How fun! The teams will not be given any money for this leg of the journey.

Peter and Mary are the first to leave, since they were the first to complete their challenge the night before. But it really doesn't matter, since the ticket counter for the airline they must use doesn't open until 9am, and all the teams end up on the same flight anyway.

As each team leaves via jeep for the ticket office, we are once again treated to "personal" moments in which contestants share with the rest of us their thoughts and feelings. As the sharing goes on, I begin to realize that nothing bores me more than these people's thoughts and feelings.

Read the rest of this recap on TVChicken.com/Amazing_Race

Episode Recap: Cook Islands, Week 3

2006-09-28T11:36:00.000-07:00

Episode: Flirting and Frustration

Original Air Date: Thursday, September 28, 2006

During the review of last week's episode, we find out what made Billy think that Kandice is in love with him. At the end of the last challenge, Billy turns to the White tribe and says, "I'm next."

Feeling sorry for Billy, Kandice says, "We love you."

Billy smiles and responds, "I love you."

So Billy wasn't crazy, just hard-of-hearing.

Day 7 - Cao Boi of the Asian tribe is still talking. He hasn't stopped since the beginning of the contest.

Brad reflects, "I have had a coming to Jesus in my own mind about Cao Boi - the guy just does not shut up. I don't think he's all there ... and don't think he will ever be there, unless he's medicated."

Read the rest of this article on TVChicken.com/Survivor

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 2

2006-09-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

Episode: Can Horses Smell Fear?
Original Air Date: September 24, 2006

This week's episode starts off with the teams assigned to catch a bus and then a train to Outer Mongolia. Only five of the teams will be able to catch the first bus leaving at 12:00 am. The other teams will have to wait until 2:00 am.
Pretty Boys Tyler and James (models/crackheads/jerks) are the first to leave since they won the previous challenge, and of course, are able to sign up for the midnight bus. In order to confirm what big butt pimples they are, they decide to hang around the depot and rub it in to those teams who have to ride the 2:00 am bus.
I don't know what it is about being a tourist that make people feel they can give up all attempts at personal dignity when it comes to the clothes they wear (I'm talking about you, fanny-pack people). But the contestants on the Amazing Race are always willing to take it to the next level. For instance, several of the teams tonight are sporting flashlights strapped to their heads, like they're a bunch of coal miners or something.Speaking of coal miners and dressing like you don't care...

Read the rest on TVChicken.com/amazing_race

Episode Recap: Cook Islands, Week 2

2006-09-22T00:08:00.000-07:00

Episode: Dire Straights and Dead Weight

Original Air Date: Thursday, September 21, 2006

This week's episode opens with the "Hiki" (Black) tribe. After four days without clean drinking water, the team is desperate to start a fire. They take turns striking their machete against their newly-acquired piece of flint over and over again until finally, after a lot of frustration, Sundra succeeds in starting a fire. I expected to see a victorious Tom-Hanks-in-Castaway kind of declaration, "I... HAVE MADE FIRE!"

Instead, Sundra looks around and says, "Um guys, it's lit. What do we do now?"

The team gets together and builds the fire bigger, enabling them to boil much-needed water. As they dance around the fire, part of the screen is blurred out directly behind Nate. Apparently, Nate is smiling at both ends, if you get my drift. And this guy isn't even a plumber. I would think that minimal behavior when on national television would be the ability to keep your britches up.

Next, the "Aitu" (Latino) tribe. They've just speared a bunch of fish and crabs and are pretty full of themselves. "Latinos are just good workers," Ozzy says, "It's in our blood."

See the full re-cap on TVChicken.com/Survivor

Releasing the Hounds, We've Got a Floater, and Your Chance to Finally Meet Hasselhoff

2006-09-18T21:08:00.000-07:00

Who Let the Dog Out?
Duane Chapman aka Dog the Bounty Hunter and two of his co-stars, who were arrested earlier for illegal detention and conspiracy, were released from jail Friday on bail. Dog was released on $300,000 bond while his co-stars were released on $100,000 each. They will be required to wear electric monitoring devices while they await their trial. I can't wait to see the episodes that show them running around trying to catch bad guys while sporting ankle bracelets.
A&E will be airing a special Tuesday night entitled Dog: The Family Speaks. Speak, Dog, speak! Good Dog.

Some People Will Do Anything to Be on TV
A dead body washed up close to the set of CSI: Miami Friday where the crew was filming a scene for an upcoming episode. A homeless man spotted the body in Biscayne Bay at Bicentennial Park and reported it to a police officer who was moonlighting as a security guard for the show.
Amazingly, this is not the first time a body has showed up near a location where a CSI was filming. One was found this week in a building in Los Angeles where CSI: New York was being filmed.

America's Got Talent Tryouts Begin
Do you have a special talent that ought to be shared with the world? No? Well that didn't stop several of last season's contestants from trying out for America's Got Talent. Those who have no sense of personal dignity will be interested to know that America's Got Talent is holding its first open casting call for next season on Sep 25th in Branson, Missouri. You'll need a doctor's release, among other things. More info here.

Don't forget to checkout our recap of this week's Amazing Race at TVChicken.com/amazing_race.

Episode Recap: Amazing Race 10, Week 1

2006-09-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

Episode: Real Fast! Quack! Quack!
Original Air Date: September 17, 2006

Seattle, famous for the Space Needle and... some other stuff I'm sure. This city is the starting point for this season's Amazing Race. Surprise, surprise - it happens to be raining in Seattle this day.

As the show opens, the 12 teams are dramatically flown to their starting point by sea plane. I guess there are no major roads that lead to Seattle. It must be so remote that the only way to get there is by sea plane.

As the teams leave their sea planes, we are introduced to them one by one:
Sarah and Peter - Triathalon training partners who've recently started dating. She has an artificial leg and he builds artificial limbs. I wonder if they'll be carrying a "spare" with them in their backpacks.
Bilal and Sa'eed - Two American Muslims from Cleveland. "In reference to the race," Bilal declares, "there's no question we will fall over and take five minutes and pray".
Rob and Kimberly - Dating couple. In the pre-interview, Rob proceeds to spill his guts about his relationship with Kimberly, "Kimberly and [my] relationship is at that point where we either move forward or we don't... Kimberly wants everything her way. But I'm a human being, she can't control me. She needs to learn that."
Sheesh, Rob. This is the The Amazing Race, not Dr. Phil. At least wait until you're all stressed out from the race to vent.

The rest of this article can be found on TVChicken.com/Amazing_Race

TV News: Three Dogs and a Band With No Name

2006-09-15T18:20:00.000-07:00

Dog the Bounty Hunter Arrested
Duane "Dog" Chapman, Reality TV star and bounty hunter who has become famous for catching bail-jumpers, has himself been arrested for jumping bail and failing to appear in a Mexican court.
Three years ago, Dog became famous when he apprehended Max Factor heir Andrew Luster in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. However, Dog and his associates were themselves arrested shortly thereafter for failing to turn Luster over to Mexican police. It seems the Mexican authorities are under the odd impression that they should have some kind of say over what goes on in their own country. Silly Mexicans.
Chapman later posted bail but failed to appear at a subsequent court hearing. So yesterday, Dog and two of his associates were arrested in Hawaii by federal marshalls. I just wish he had been caught instead by a Mexican bounty hunter named "Perro".

Mr. Peabody: The Motion Picture
Everyone's favorite super-smart, bespectacled, time-traveling dog (from the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show) may be headed for a theater near you at some point in the future. Dreamworks Animation is currently developing a computer-animated movie version of the cartoon. Tiffany Ward, the daughter of Jay Ward (the original show's producer), has been slated as one of the movie's executive producers.

Corey Clark Fails to Appear in Court
American Idol reject and Paula-Abdul's-boytoy-wannabe Corey Clark (the third "dog" in today's news) failed to appear in court Tuesday on a summons resulting from July 24 arrest for violating a court order and trespassing. As a result, an arrest warrant is expected to be issued.
The July 24 arrest was the result of an incident at the home of the parents of Clark's wife. In June, a domestic violence protective order was granted Clark's wife, Monica Rodriguez Gonzalez, against Clark which prohibited him from having any contact with her, their child and seven other people.

A Supernova By Any Other Name
The band that chose it's lead singer on this season of the reality show Rockstar: Supernova cannot use the name "Supernova" when it goes on tour, ruled a United States District Court judge Tuesday. Another band by the same name has been performing since 1991. The ruling was actually a preliminary injuction pending the outcome of the trial.
The could just use the name I have for them - "The Unwashed", or as most of America knows them, "That Guy That Married Pamela Anderson and Those Other Guys".

Don't forget to check out our recap of Survivor: Cook Island's first episode here!

Episode Recap: Cook Islands, Week 1

2006-09-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

Episode: I Can Forgive Her But I Don't Have to Because She Screwed With My Chickens
Original Air Date: September 14, 2006

Do you find yourself longing wistfully for the days before De-Segregation? Does the term "separate but equal" sound like a pretty good idea to you? Do you ever wonder why people can't just go be with their own kind?

Nah, me either.

Yet, in an apparent effort to turn back the clock on American race relations 40 years, Mark Burnett and the other powers that be at Survivor have chosen to divide this season's batch of contestants into tribes based on their ethnicity - Black ("Hiki"), Latino ("Aitu"), Asian ("Puka"), and White ("Raro"). CBS calls this a "social experiment". Social experiment my grandmother's bunyons. This decision was made in order to create controversy, which in turn creates "buzz". And "buzz", good or bad, will almost always translate to higher initial ratings for any program.

But really, the segregation isn't the worst aspect of this season's Survivor. What bothers me is this - if you're White, who the Heck are you supposed to root for? If you root for the Home Team, you appear to be racist. If you root for one of the other tribes, you appear to be either trying too hard not to appear racist, or you seem like a reverse-racist (whatever that is). Fortunately, I've decided to avoid this conundrum altogether by hating all of these losers equally right off the bat.

My disdain is based on a prejudice that is rooted deep inside me - not for any particular race, but for Survivor contestants in general. I would make an exception for the contestants in Season 1 because they didn't really know what they were getting into. But anyone who had seen Season 1 would know that signing up for this show means signing one's dignity away for the off chance of maybe winning a million dollars, because there's something about being half-naked, sun-burnt, hungry, and stinky that causes people to be somewhat less than polite. By that I mean what is supposed to be a friendly contest eventually descends into Lord of the Flies. And by "eventually" I mean by the end of the first episode. Of course, there's the added charm of showing the worst side of yourself to millions of people each week. So how can I be expected to care about anyone who chooses to do this?

But on to the episode. It starts out with all 20 "castaways" frantically scurrying about an old wooden ship trying to grab what supplies they can and throwing them overboard on small wooden rafts. Jeff Probst tells us the castaways have two minutes to scavenge what they can before they have to jump off the boat and row to shore. Among the supplies - chickens. That's right, live chickens. Here's another thing - apparently chickens can float. I did not know that. But we find that out as one of the castaways throws one of the poor birds overboard. It misses the raft and lands in the water, bobbing easily on the surface. Thirty seconds into the first episode and I've already learned something.

As the hapless castaway jumps into the water after his chicken, Jeff yells out, "That's right! Get that chicken! You're gonna need that for food!"

That Jeff, always being helpful.

The rest of the post can be found here